I`m So Not Alone

May sakit ka mahal? Anu `yun? Bakit? May gamot ka na mahal? Musta pakiramdam mo? Pahinga ka na mahal ko, para gumaling ka na, kain ka mabuti, wag ka papagutom, `wag ka na muna magpupuyat para lumakas ka... ingat ka na lang mahal ko...i love you

- Jamica Agapito, 26 April 2011

Mabuti pa si mahal ko, sobrang nag-aalala sa kalagayan ko. Hindi naman malala, pero siyempre iba pa rin talaga yung may nag-aalaga. At siya lang yung mayroon ako ngayon. Salamat kasi kahit paano, nababawasan yung bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Salamat, Mica.

20April`11: Mickath`s Seventh

It`s Mica and I`s 7th week! Yay! This is so special to us, specially to Mica kong mahal `cos 7 is her favourite number. I really have no idea on how I can make her extra happy this week. There are a lot of things I still don`t know about her -- her favourite stuff, things that make her happy... that`s why I`m having a difficult time to think on what I should give her this week. I seriously don`t want to disappoint her `cos she`s so excited for this 7th week. I want her to be happy and I guess I just did.

We don`t usually meet on Wednesdays because we both have work but since this 7th is special, we really make it a point to meet and hang-out. This relationship is cute, I swear. It feels like we`re really a couple... like we really are together. But we actually aren`t. We`re just enjoying our moments together and somehow acting like we really are one. Just because we`re enjoying and having fun doesn`t mean everything is just a joke and none of it wasn`t real, we do love each other, as friends, the best-buddy-kind-of-friends, and we call each other Mahal. It`s really cute and sweet.

So I gave her these for this week:

A pretty silver ribbon earrings. I super liked it like personally, and so I gave it to her instead be used by me.

A self-made poem using her initials.

A three-paged letter

A doodle I made with a quote about love and weirdness I read on Tumblr

A pattern of my right hand, Mica`s favourite thing to do.

A copy of a letter I made before. A letter for my future boyfriend. ;-)
A printed cutie-patootie photo I found on Tumblr that expresses how I wish she`s with me.
This is the envolope I`ve used with my packaged letters

Go Get A Girlfriend

I sometimes wish you go get a girlfriend. Like now. I know that will hurt me deeply into the bones. But I think that`s the only way to get things better. I may be hurting but I think that`s the only way I can finally tell myself, that you`ll never be mine... that I can finally let you go. But you getting a girlfriend makes me think things will be at its best. `Cos I`m still hoping, that when that time comes you have a girlfriend, you`ll realize something... this may sound mean but I am hoping you`ll realize that she`s not enough, that she`s different, that it`s not love. I wish you`ll realize that you`re happier whenever you`re with me. I wish you`ll realize it was me you really love. And yes, that leaves us to two options. So please, go get a girlfriend.

Date a girl who takes photographs

Date a Girl Who Takes Photographs

Date a girl who takes photographs. Date a girl whose favorite sound is the click-click of the shutter as it closes and opens to capture a memory. Date a girl who sees the wonder in the simplest things. Date a girl who looks at the world and wonders how to put a little of herself in it.

You might find her in the park, lost behind her lens, the world a blur around her as she tries to capture a single moment in time. You might find her in an exhibit, a look of concentration on her face as she contemplates a photograph that called out to her as she was passing by. Or maybe you will find her in a bookstore, a book in her lap as she pores over photographs of weddings all the while wondering what hers would look like.

Take her out to photo walks and laugh as she tries to take a picture of you. When she gets tired of walking, buy her cupcakes but wait until she has taken pictures of them before proceeding to eat them. Listen as she tells you her ideas for a photo shoot on the ride home.

Take her to a restaurant and wait patiently as she surveys the menu carefully, appreciating the food photography. And again, wait until she has taken a photo of your food before digging in. Allow her introduce you to Ansel Adams while you both eat your lunch. Introduce her to your favorite musician as you wait for the bill to arrive. When you get home, change your Facebook profile picture into a photograph she took of you. She silently hoped for it.

Take stolen shots of her. Compile it and give it to her on her birthday. Tell her you love her over and over until your voice replaces the click of the shutter as her favorite sound. Kiss her after she lifts her head up from the camera. Give her camera-shaped necklaces. Go places with her.

You will never be bored again.

Date a girl who takes photographs. She will never whine about a little dirt on her favorite pair of jeans as she kneels down to get a better angle of her subject. She will never be afraid to take adventures with you. She will take photographs of you not just with her camera but with her mind as well and keep it to herself to admire at night. But above all, she will teach you how to look at the world with a brand new perspective and she will do that unknowingly.

Marry a girl who takes photographs. Ditch those wedding photography books and give her the most beautiful wedding you could. She will teach your kids to find the beauty in everything just as she had taught you. Every day will be an adventure as she tries to create memories photograph-worthy with you. She may wake you up in the middle of the night because she is buzzing with ideas but she will make it up in the morning with a stack of hot pancakes beside a steaming cup of your favorite coffee blend.

Grow old with a girl who takes photographs. Sit with her on the front porch as you both pore over the bits and pieces of the moments you’ve had together. Stroke her hair as you both relive the photo walks that you took and the places you have been when you were both young. Smile as you both reenact your clever wedding vows.

Date a girl who takes photographs because she will always see that “something” in the most “nothing” of things. She will never let anyone take you away from her like she never lets anyone steal her photos and that is just one of the evidences that she loves you.

Mahal

Oo nga mahal, kung ikaw yung kasama ko nag-passaayain sana kita magmeryenda muna sa labas, treat ko kumbaga dahil super saya ko kanina! Kaso wala eh, siya! Nahihiya lang talaga ako pag mahal ko yung isang tao... and `yun na nga... mahal kita kaya siguro nahihiya ako. Alam mo mahal, kung pwede lang talaga, tayon na... As in... alam mo `yun, forever hanggang kasal, kaso unfair talaga ang mundo.

~JSA

-START WEEK 3-

"Kaso after nu`n, may nangyari na hindi maganda... sobra... and I`m sure hindi mo `yun makakalimutan... haha... grabe talaga yung Saturday na `yun, punong-puno ng emosyon... bumabaha ng luha... at dumudugo ang mga puso."

"Tapos yung time naman nagusto na kitang kausapin, umurong na dila ko... ayoko sanang isulat `to dito sa letter ko kasi malungkot, kaso may other side kasi nang nangyari `to na nagustuhan ko... lalo kitang minahal, mahal... as in...."

"Basta mahal, anu man ang mangyari, kahit ilang "f" pa dumating sa`tin... di mag babago... ang nararamdaman ko sa`yo, "MAHAL PA RIN KITA" at "MAS MAMAHALIN PA KITA" sa mga susunod na araw...

"Alam mo mahal, sa dami ng mga naging kaibigan ko, (well actually, kaunti lang sila, compared sa mga kaibigan mo, pero for me, marami na sila, haha!) ikaw lang yung super na minahal ko... as in parang special friend na kita... nandito ka na ohh... dito... dito sa "<3" ko, at mawawala ka lang dito, kapag tumigil na tibok ng puso ko.. hahaha (OMG sa lalim!) (Nalulunod ako, di pa naman ako marunong lumangoy, haha!)"

"Kasi parang ang sarap lang sa feeling na tayo talaga kasi alam nating mahal na mahal natin ang isa`t-isa... `di ko nga alam na magiging ganito tayo ehh..."

"Pero ngayon hindi na... kasi tayo na... akin ka na... haha at hindi na kita pakakawalan..... Medyo intense na ba mahal? Kasi feeling ko medyo lumalagpas na tayo sa du`n sa level natin.. haha.. pero pakielam ko.. masaya naman ako.. masaya ka rin naman diba.. masaya tayo!!! MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA!!! Sobrang ngayon lang ako nagkaganito.

"Mahal, may I ask you something? Sa dinami-dami ng kaibigan mo, I wonder lang naman kung nasaan ako du`n.. Sa`n yung place ko at pang-ilan ako? Kasi I feel na hindi naman ako ganu`n ka-special para maging... alam mo na... kaya natanong ko lang.. haha."

"Isa pa pala mahal, alam mo ba na dati madalas ko lang tinitingnan yung telepono ko dahil sa orasan kasi nga wala akong relo pero ngayon, madalas ko na yang tingnan dahil baka nagtext ka at kahit wala akong load, magkakaroon ako, mareplyan lang kita."

"Mahaba ba? Xenxa na mahal, enjoy lang talagang gumawa ng letter lalo na sa taong mahal na mahal mo ng sobra! ..Na kahit may pasok ka pa ng 8 AM bukas eh magpapakapuyat ka kasi nga mahal mo at alam mong matutuwa siya sa letter mo."

"Nami-miss na talaga kita mahal... nakakabaliw... mas nadadalian ko pa ngang isipin yung mga quiz at exam sa school kesa yung iisipin ko na nami-miss kita. :'("

"Basta mahal kahit na pareho tayong nawi-weirdohan sa mga nangyayari... medyo awkward... haha .. mahal na mahal kita talaga... at hindi `yun magbabago khit na magmahal ka pa ng iba."

"Kasi iniisip ko sana, kung pwede lang na ikaw siya... Kasi ikaw yung mahal ko, hindi siya."

"Miss na miss na kita mahal. At mahal na mahal kita... Kahit itanong mo pa kay Lord... Itanong mo lang pero wag ka pupunta.. haha.. kasi for sure susundan kita... kasi ayokong mawala ka... mahal na mahal kita... mahal... kathleen... kath, kat, katz... basta kahit anu pang name mo... mahal pa rin kita.. Love you mahal.. Miss you a lot.. mwaaa"

-END WEEK 3-

-START 06 APRIL 2011-

Alam mo namang never kita makakalimutan... Kathleen S. Musni... parehas tayo ng middle initial mahal.. dahil mahal na kita kahit nung si Kathleen Musni ka pa lang.

Eh kasi naman mahal, yung mga text ng iba... ordinaryong.. hi mics, hello mics... musta na? wat gawa mo?, nago-OJT ka pala? (Sinabi ko na ngang nago-OJT ako, ganu`n pa ire-reply.. nakakagago lang, di wag na lang replyan.) ..mas masarap pang i-type yung 'i love you mahal.' ... :)

Gusto ko kasi mahal palagi ka masaya.. Palagi kita napapasaya, para kahit di tayo nagkikita, nararamdaman mo pa din na mahal kita. :)

-END 06 APRIL 2011-

Mahal, sorry talaga. Mahal, yung mga ganung tao, bitter lang `yun sa buhay nila kasi walang nagmamahal sa kanila. Wala ka sa buhay nila at wala ako sa kanila. Kasi nasa iyo ako... at nasa akin ka. - 08 April 2011, Friday

Date A Girl Who Reads

Date A Girl Who Reads
by Rosemarie Urquico

(In Response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date An Illiterate Girl)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

“You Should Date An Illiterate Girl”

“You Should Date An Illiterate Girl”
By Charles Warnke (Jan. 19, 2011)

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

1102 2011 Reversed Date, Yes it is!

11022011

Such an epic date. Today`s pretty fine. Got no exam, canceled exam, that is. Got no class because the whole block decided not to attend. Stayed at home the whole day alone, and I loved it. Spend the day eating all the edible stuff that pleased me and having a The Vampire Diaries marathon. How can I not be happy watching one of my favourite series and seeing all the scorching hot men, half-naked in front of me. I almost drooled. I wasn`t kidding, they sure add spice on the show.

I think I got carried away that it got me to thinking I`m a vampire too. I was holding a clip, I got gigil so I was pressing it just light then there, it suddenly broke. Yeah, I thought I was strong enough like a vampire that I haven`t even put much pressure on it yet it broke. I`m so weird, am I not?

If today`s epic, tomorrow`s doomed. Advanced Accounting exam, 8 AM. And I know nothing. Stocked knowledge is all there is. Well at least it`s the 12th, I don`t want to feel unlucky on a 13th, you know.

But I`ll be studying, yes. After this, silly.

And today, I also lied. I lied about being in school. My parents thought I have classes but yeah, I did not attend. I had my allowance. I also felt like I am betraying someone, talking something about this someone, behind his back. But that did not take too long, just a good, ugh I mean bad, 30 minutes. I`m sorry.

I witnessed tonight`s 11:11 too. I did not wish to pass tomorrow`s exam `cos I know I`ll be able to do it without even wishing. I don`t want to put tonight`s wish to waste so I wished for something unusual to others instead. I just wish I`d be able to wake up tomorrow, by myself. I got an exam at 8 AM, I told my parents about it and it seems like they are not in the mood to wake me up. Yup, another weakness, I can`t wake up earlier than 9:00 just by myself. Oh, please help me wake up tomorrow. I gotta go, I still need to review. Oh, and I cheated again. I cheated about tonight`s 11:11. But still, I`m hoping I`ll wake up. By myself.

The Diary of a Nymphomaniac

Diario de una ninfomana as its original Spanish title, Diary of a Nymphomaniac as the US title, and Diary of a Sex Addict as its international title. This movie is a chronicle of the life of a middle-class French girl`s sexual adventures, her then fall into prostitution, and her ultimate redemption.

I am fond of watching European movies the past days, a step out of the usual Asian and American movies that I watch. I am loving French movies and as I am searching for a good movie to watch yesterday, I saw this and it interests me so I did not hesitate to download it.

I am not used to watching videos and films with people having sex like porns and hentais though I am okay with it. This is actually the first movie I have watched with really erotic scenes. I don`t find this movie offending but find it classy instead. There`s a lot of sex scenes and I don`t find it offending, I find it lustful yes, but with the accompaniment of a good musical score, I find it classy instead.

Its about the struggles of a woman that is engaged in sex and doesn`t know how to handle it altogether with love and life. A movie that shows how the society sees prostitution and on how people look and treat bitches and whores.

This is a totally new movie among all the others that I have watched and I guess this is a good movie. A good movie for the open-minded person. This is not just another sex movie, this is a classic movie showing the other side of sex, what is sex, what sex can give, and what sex cannot give you.

I actually have problems with the subtitle of this film, it doesn`t go with the video, it`s like 10 seconds earlier than the video but all`s fine, heh.

Week 01/52

Soulmate

009/365: Soulmate

Is it possible Mr. Lovable is already in my life? Right in front of me or maybe you’re in disguise.

I have this nodding grandpa figurine since 2007`s Christmas party. I got this as an award together with my friend,Justin for the Soulmates category when we`re in 4th year high school. Yup, we`re voted as soulmates, haha! I can still remember how kilig I get those days. *u* And I can still remember how I believed that we really are soulmates.

I have grandpa with me and he has grandma with him. We used to call them lolo and lola though. (This prize is actually my idea, eh. I`m the class president, I have the power, (lol) and since I already know the results, I picked the nicest prize for us. :-) We only have a 10-peso budget for every award but since I find this really cute and since I know I`ll be the one getting it, I made an exception, I bought lolo and lola for 20 pesos each. Haha!)

Yeah, nodding figurines of cute old people, which I assumed and made them look like a couple as a prize. I have that idea eh, that soulmates, forever… until we grow old, loving each other forever. I actually believed he`s my soulmate, `cos back that time, he`s that guy, that guy I think I have given my heart for. But as time passes by, the two of us are growing apart. The closeness we have, well we had, can be found nowhere. We barely see each other. We haven`t made a good conversation for ages which I think is funny `cos back in high school, we can talk about anything, like anything at all. No dead-airs. But now, it all has changed. And seriously, I don`t even have his contact number.

And now I have realized, I can`t set things to happen on my own. Things change. But I still haven`t learned. Like last year, I have set my mind and I believed I found the one I`m going to marry. I really felt like he`s the one for me. Yeah, just like what I felt towards Justin, just make it triple. I was like so sure I could die but then again, I was wrong. He can be the guy I would love to marry, yes - but I should have not looked at it the way. I should have not set things for myself the way I wanted it to happen `cos most of the time, I`ll only get sad and disappointed. Haha!

And now, Lolo is a sweet reminder of those days. Those days in which I can now say, I have loved (I think?) and learned. Lolo is displayed in my room ever since I got him, except the days I lost my hope in love (funny but true,) I keep him inside the cabinet instead.

I may not get to notice him everyday but seriously, Lolo has always been special to me. He`ll still be a reminder of my soulmate, my real soulmate who is yet to come, and I wonder who that possibly is. But if I were to choose, I want him to be someone I know for so long. Like someone who`s been there for me as I have also been there for him, but the two of us still doesn`t know. Not just yet. I think that would be really sweet.

Oh well. To my soulmate, wherever you are… don`t worry I`m not rushing nor waiting. But I just want to let you know that I am so excited to know who you really are. :-)

Another fact: Justin and I also won the love team of the year award, together with Paolo and Giannina. We have a couple heart necklace as prizes. Yup, half of the heart`s with him, the other half is with me. I still can remember how we put each other`s necklace. So awww. <3

PS Justin`s grandma got broke when we`re in first year college but he still has it whole, thanks to the glue. :-) I don`t know if it`s still displayed in their living room but I think it`s not there now.

January 5th VS January 6th

January 05

• Almost frozen - damn cold.
• mind-blanked during the quiz
• caught unprepared for our report
• munch on some brownies
• hospital, operations, pregnancy and whatnots convo with seatmates
• Art-slash-Sleeping-subject with Ferry and Chugi
• Chicharong bulaklak overload (with three cups of rice!)
• 11:11 :">
• stomach pain D:
• LOL time with MACC boys
• saw him for the first time this year, aww. (I miss him so much~!)
• Kulitan time with him. Another him, k.
• shop with Cathy at the mall
• meet Kenneth to give their copy of the video. (Finally!) O hai, I`m sarcasmgirl. LOL
• sit next to a cute guy in the trike, too bad he isn`t straight.
• too sleepy so sleep - 3 PM
• and I haven`t waken up. not until my family came home, about 7 PM (I woke up for a minute to open the door) and about 01:10 AM (I`m so lazy to wake up so I sleep again.)
• I haven`t post my Project 365 entry and my daily text post too.

January 06

• woke up just fine (Who`ll not feel fine getting 14 hours of sleep, ha?)
• not so cold today, great. (I just can`t tolerate such low temperature, haha!)
• excited to eat breakfast for I haven`t eaten anything since the last day.
• watched OgRe`s exchange of wedding vows video again. (Yeah, for the nth time) So sweet!
• re-view Proposal Daisakusen`s special preview and yes, I cried still. (I was like crying inside the room while the professor is discussing, haha!)
• daldalan with the MACC boys
• made two shirt designs for Ferry and one for myself. ;)
• I lectured (first time) on my Entrepreneurial class.
• I have recited daw. Hahaha~! Mr. Tabulina actually recognized that as a recitation and that I got the right answer. Oh, man. That`s unexpected, LOLOL. Am proud of myself.
• Heartbreak!!! <|3 No more Chicharong bulaklak left for us. :( I haven`t eaten a piece today. Super saaadddd.. OMG, this feeling. I am soo craving. :'(
• went to the mall with Ferry to buy a gift for his boyfriend`s cousin.
• I bought scramble and chips before heading home. But nothing can beat chicharong bulaklak pa rin. :(
• I decided to clean my room. Yep, legit cleaning. (with all the fixing, sweeping, and mopping)
• I haven`t started designing because of the grass fire, ish.
• have been a fire woman, I actually watered the damn fire started by our wicked neighbors.
• I realized if I were sleeping again just like yesterday, I might have been dead toasted now.
• I found our long lost land title. Yay!! (I blackmailed my parents of course!) I received moolah in exchange of the the title, haha!
• And since I`m pretty productive today, I also swept and mopped the living room and wash the dishes too.
• I made my brother a t-shirt design for their family day. Nice to hear good feedbacks from his classmates. ;)
• I have posted my Project 365 entries na.
• And now I`m really sleepy that I wanna sleep. Marathon is again canceled.

It`s 02:30 AM and I`m Happy

I`ve never been this proud of myself. The oh-shit-at-last-you-can-now-keep-up kind of proud. It feels like I`m getting back to my usual self. I always say the same on my previous posts but hell, I`m lying back then. Because this is my usual self. This is my real usual self. Only now.

I swore to myself I will avoid posting about how I feel towards that certain someone back then anymore but I just can`t help not to. This is not an i-still-like-him-and-i`m-still-kilig-about-this-and-that-sort-of-stuff kind, this is about me coping up. This is not about him anymore. This is about me.

It was too late until I realized that I have focused only on him. My blog posts are almost about him, but not anymore. From now on, it will all be about my life. There`s more to life than those kahitaran-slash-kadramahan posts. Eh.

I am so proud to say that I rarely think about him. I seem to care less whether he`s online or not. I even saw him this afternoon and yeah, its just casual. Not so ordinary but it`s not also a sort of something special. I still get to talk to him but I was not that giddy like I used to. We talk and I never felt any awkwardness. I`m not that conscious anymore about the things I say and I might say. I speak my mind. I don`t mind what his reaction will be. Everything is just plain natural. I even read a post from him like he`s admiring someone and all that, and much to my surprise, I was not hurt. I did not feel any hurt like a pinch on my heart or anything. I actually put up a smile because I find his post cute, you know a post from a guy crushing on someone. Cute. I`m actually happy for him, whatever it may be. We`re friends, eh? And that`s what matters most, above all. This feeling. Isn`t it downright fabulous?

I`ve never felt this contented. I am happy with my life now. I even told Ferry earlier that I`ve never felt sad this year yet. At least not yet. My feelings, the weather, everything just fits in. I may not have enough sleep the past days, (well I believe I have enough sleep though, it`s just that I do not sleep on time. I`m sleeping in the afternoon, I`m awake at night. Very nocturnal.) but I have never felt this better. I am enjoying everything now. This kind of feeling is priceless. I`ll continue living this life (may it be a happy or a sad one) at its fullest. Yup, I`ve never been this proud of myself.

Brand New, Eh?

First day of a new year. 2011. :-)

I am so excited about this year. I wonder how my life would be. Another 365 days. 365 days to enjoy my life. Will I get better? (I hope so.) Will I grow taller? (Yep. I jumped last midnight.) Will I be fatter? (Oh, no. Please no.) Will I get even good grades? (Ehem.) Will I be happier? (I`ll surely do.)

Another year to waste. No, I won`t waste a day. I`ll live every single day at its fullest. I wish this year would be awesome-r than my 2010. Some people say, 2010 is such a waste. That it should be forgotten and move on. Well, no. Not for me. There`s no wasted year. If it`s wasted, then who`s to blame? We live our lives. It`s not our lives who live on us. 2010 may be a pretty tough year for me but I don`t regret a thing about it.

In 2010, I have loved. I experienced sadness and pain. I feel betrayed. I feel so alone. I feel ignored. But despite everything, I am here still looking back on the year that was. It`s still a year I will forever love. It`s a year that I can say, I have learned a lot.

And now, here`s another year to put me to a test. I am ready for anything. I will give this year my best.

I wonder:

will I have new friends?

will I lose friends?

is there someone who`ll court me?

will I fall in love with someone?

will I get a boyfriend? or a girlfriend maybe?

will I get my heart broken? Oh please, not again.

will I be a part of the Dean`s list?

am I still studying by the end of the year? Hell, yes. Silly.

will I get a good camera? Oh pleaaassee.

is my family still complete?

will I learn to draw better?

will I learn to take better shots?

if I can make someone be mad at me?

am I still writing?

if I can learn how to cook really good food like Mommy?

will I grow taller?

will I learn how to drink?

will I get drunk? Or really wasted perhaps? How many times?

will I get embarrassed? In what way?

will I be broke?

how many movies am I going to watch this year?

how many books am I going to read?

will I learn how to wake up early?

will I still be lazy?

will I get to hang-out with my friends?

will I get thinner? Even just a bit.

will I cry a lot?

will I be tougher?

how many crushes will I get?

will I be a crush of someone?

will I still be healthy?

will I be still sleeping a lot? Haha, no wonder.

will I get injured?

There`s a whole lot more things that I wonder about. It`s fun to think about the things that I wanted to happen and the things that may happen. I am looking forward to see how I have turned as a person starting today, January 1, 2011 until December 31 of this year. I know, New Year is not the only day for change but yeah, I just love the fact that I feel so brand new. This is a good beginning.

I`m turning 19 this year. I`ll be in my fourth year too. What else? I don`t know. I`m not sure on how things would turn out. And with that, I am scared and excited at the same time. I don`t know what might happen but that`s what life is all about, eh. So might as well, enjoy the ride and every journey of this life.

Welcome 2011. I am Kathleen and we`ll be good friends. *hugs* :-)