It`s 02:30 AM and I`m Happy

I`ve never been this proud of myself. The oh-shit-at-last-you-can-now-keep-up kind of proud. It feels like I`m getting back to my usual self. I always say the same on my previous posts but hell, I`m lying back then. Because this is my usual self. This is my real usual self. Only now.

I swore to myself I will avoid posting about how I feel towards that certain someone back then anymore but I just can`t help not to. This is not an i-still-like-him-and-i`m-still-kilig-about-this-and-that-sort-of-stuff kind, this is about me coping up. This is not about him anymore. This is about me.

It was too late until I realized that I have focused only on him. My blog posts are almost about him, but not anymore. From now on, it will all be about my life. There`s more to life than those kahitaran-slash-kadramahan posts. Eh.

I am so proud to say that I rarely think about him. I seem to care less whether he`s online or not. I even saw him this afternoon and yeah, its just casual. Not so ordinary but it`s not also a sort of something special. I still get to talk to him but I was not that giddy like I used to. We talk and I never felt any awkwardness. I`m not that conscious anymore about the things I say and I might say. I speak my mind. I don`t mind what his reaction will be. Everything is just plain natural. I even read a post from him like he`s admiring someone and all that, and much to my surprise, I was not hurt. I did not feel any hurt like a pinch on my heart or anything. I actually put up a smile because I find his post cute, you know a post from a guy crushing on someone. Cute. I`m actually happy for him, whatever it may be. We`re friends, eh? And that`s what matters most, above all. This feeling. Isn`t it downright fabulous?

I`ve never felt this contented. I am happy with my life now. I even told Ferry earlier that I`ve never felt sad this year yet. At least not yet. My feelings, the weather, everything just fits in. I may not have enough sleep the past days, (well I believe I have enough sleep though, it`s just that I do not sleep on time. I`m sleeping in the afternoon, I`m awake at night. Very nocturnal.) but I have never felt this better. I am enjoying everything now. This kind of feeling is priceless. I`ll continue living this life (may it be a happy or a sad one) at its fullest. Yup, I`ve never been this proud of myself.